To every opinion Aunty Evelyn ever held onto,be it as bizarre as the thought of a journey to hades and back,she stuck to it,overvalued it and all efforts to reverse her course felt like pouring water on the camels back.Background check on every new toaster wasn't an exemption.She never compromised on that..
"A toaster is an actor "she would always quote."Find out who he is off stage.When you do that, you see the real person .When you see the unveiled person, you either slip out or stick with"she would always say.Her ideology was nice,nobody doubted that,but the manner and depth which she did that was sickening .Yes she always did unveil the unseen side but she always never stuck with anyone of them-never!
The first as we recall was Mr Christo Okpollo Fwosh.He was the advertising manager at the same bank which Aunty Evelyn worked.They were colleagues for several months .She had never really taken note of him .Infact all she knew then was every person in the office called him Mr Okpollo.She didn't get to know past his first name.On the eve of Christmas he came up to her and asked if he could take her out sometime.Her response was inconclusive.She came back home all excited and blushy.We hoped to see him the next day but she did a background check on him that night .The next day when asked ,about her toaster .All we heard was "that thief".He was behind the monetary losses the bank experienced through the third quarter of last year ,she explained ."He is a closed chapter".She quoted.We never got to see him.
Then came Frank Titus Dunga. He was a young pastor in the church we attended.Tall,handsome and light skinned.He always delivered his sermon intelligently.The congregation loved him and aunty Evelyn was a member of the church choir.Pastor Dunga also loved to sing.They started as friends,with time they began dating.She fell head over heels for him.Every body was happy for her.Lovely nymphs amongst the church youths envied her.
Then came the night he proposed.She said yes ,but then she picked up her shovel ,dug up his past.Two days later,she returned his ring.What she found she didn't like ,we presumed.She never told us what she discovered .Anytime his topic arose in a discussion,"Casanova for Christ" was all she would mumble.
Dr Cyril Kokomo,seemed like the real deal."This one would definitely break the curse" mum would always say.He looked like one who had been sent from the future to redeem Evelyn from this bane of a life as she did refer it.His manners were as though he had slipped out of the scriptures.He was rich,young and refined.His good looks complemented.
They met at a buffet organized by the "rotractors".A fun club which Aunty Evelyn belonged to."Love at first site,it was magical".She always said.Then came the impulse to dig, and she went to town.Before long she found out where he had grown up.Who his father's mother's first cousins were.She had a list of all his former dates,and she also knew every organization he had worked with.This time she was impressed.
Finally she believed!She really wanted this man -but Dr Kokomo's view of her had changed.He couldn't take an obsessed woman for a wife.Where she needed to be was in an assylum for lunatics and not a home.He left her with a story that he was going back to London .He was confident she would believe .She was mad he thought.
As the years passed,suitors came,seemingly perfect at first but she always strived to unveil their other sides.Most she chased away ,but the few she cherished fled.Young suitors gave way for older ones.
Amongst her league of suitors,she unveiled apparently ,ex thieves ,ex convicts,infidels,even murderers.But of all these she never found her missing rib.
Today Aunt Evelyn turns forty-five.She had risen through the ranks to the position of a manager.There is a portrait presented to her by her colleagues.Across it reads "Happy birthday Miss Evelyn Bahemolomo.Patriotic spinster of a Proud father".The colleagues all seem happy and carefree.But something tells me most of them will loose their jobs before the year runs out.Somehow there has to be a price paid for this.
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