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OGA SAH... part 1 by Andibangbang Ashishie

If it itches then its crawcraw...
The words kept repeating themselves like a song on repeat  in the ministers head.
He squeezed his middle finger through his pants and navigated his way to his butt  and gave it a good itch.
The grity sound-that same grity sound -suggestive of crawcraw.He shifted restlessly on his seat,propping his pelvis on his left buttocks to create  allowance for better relief and then cautiously he let out a fart-one of those silent ones that had within their currents the power to abate some of these type of discomfort... He cursed beneath his breath as it worsened and shifted on his seat from this side to that side and from that side to this side again and from..this...

Then the intercom rang ...
"Hello honourable"...
" Ehen Ekaette what."
.Sah the national association of political science students Unijos chapter are here to see you sah"...
"Wat for ?didn't I instruct you to schedule their appointment for a months time." Yes sah and I did as you ordered sah"she replied defensively
"..Arghh is it four weeks already? "the minister sounded  alarmed and irritated." Sah yesso replied the voice from the other end of the line ."
Send them in after five minures  ojareh..he said cutting the call and reclining to the comfort of the sviwelchair, assuming the mannerism of an OGA,he wondered how the time galloped when it was time to count your blessings.He felt the gnawing sensation that hit his chest anytime he remembered it was 2015 already.It felt as though it was just 2011 last month when he first assumed office.When every dick and harry from wthin the party and the opposition ,from within his village and outsevenide of it .And even planet pluto sef had started bootlicking And the fleets of prophets that came with stories of visions.Irrespective of whether he was Presbyterian or catholic or olumba,they all swam in like flies to partake in the latest festival of shit.With  sure fire visions.

.He  sighed and swivelled on his seat ,absorbing every bit of his palatial office ,pausing to take a second look at the mirror that stood to the side of the spacious room,and rimmed with gold along its margins.Observing himself,he noticed that the grey had encroached well into his facial hair.It was consuming everybit of him now like a wild fire.Even the lines..Responsibilities had a way of getting to one,he thought .Irrespective of the type of perks or millions  as GOVAMENT AWOOF....All of those big-ticket anti aging designer creams that had him smelling like minced meat in a pie had produced futile results.The recommended hours in the gym sef,were otiose .Rubbing his belly through the lavender shirt he palpated the layers of morbid fat sagging beneath his buckle line."Man must always reserve disease"he soliloquized......Poorman starvation,bp,sroke and then just when you think you've escaped the sharp fangs of poverty,diabetes and obesity appears like the devils agent and begins to sip the life slowly from your veins like a thirsty chikito sipping cold Pepsi outtaf the bottle with a straw....

After all "devil drone" had said he was going to meet his demise in office. The so called devils drone sef was one of those prophets with their bromidic prophesies and sure fire visions. One had prophesized that his office was going to be probed by the Efcc and that he would emerge victorious......another had instructed him never to leave his office through the main exit ,on rainy days to avoid contacts with the sons and daughters of the Marine world.The dwarfish drone of the devil who wore tight fitting robes creating an eccentric site with his gynaecomastic trunk had instructed him  to always  make sure he rubs his piss on his palms before attending all those delegate meetings and conferences with his other cohorts.Infact that was the straw that broke the camels back.
******
Oga sah...please what is the name of the fragrance you are wearing,....? Yusufu had enquired from the chauffeur seatof the Mercedes .
 "Christiano Dior"he had responded emphasising his western accent and staring listlessly through the windows at the outside..
" Just that Oga you know how you bigmen say your mind out...I hear as CAS dey tell CDS sey you dey smell like rat piss"Yusufu said finishing the statement with a sigh and keenly observing the minister through the rearview as if divulging the info was some sort of mistake.
.He had felt the world fold into a ball crashing upon him as he sat at the back of the limousine.He had tried to swallow some strength in the form of spit but his throat had felt dry.It was the stupid piss ritual and he  knew it and he knew the rite  hadnt helped in rendering any sort of protection whatsoever and he hated the dwarfish drone more for this.Yusufu had continued the drive home in silence,observing him meticulously through the rear view.When a footage showing him and the CDS exchanging pleasantries during the conference was showed on nta during prime hours later that evening,he felt the soul dropping feeling one more time and wondered what those women he had shared hugs with must have thought.
*********

As the door bell rang,he spun himself 360 and stopped preparing to face the eight delegates from the SUG ,their sight nauseated him.Sychophants ...In the next three months or so ,another unsuspecting idiot would be seated here and they would shower him with their praise songs for stipends.

He eased himself to the comfort of the swivel chair and let out one of those silent farts again... And prepared for their wash wash...he watched listlesdly as they filed in all eight of them ...
Then he spotted her -the student blogger the one who had posted an article criticizing his Excellency and members of his cabinet.
To be continued...

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